November 1, 2010

Hi Everyone!
Things are going pretty well here. This week was a rough one. We had Mission President Training on Wednesday morning. We found out that we can now text on our cell phones! Weird huh!? It's perfect, because we can now easily contact our investigators every day! We also are able to text throughout the mission to get info about proselyting! It's AWESOME!!! I feel ALMOST like a normal person again! ha! We were done with training at about 3 pm, then we had a few appointments, then we headed to Eugene at about 6 pm. It was a long drive (about 2.5 hours). It was fun to get to drive through Corvallis again. Wow! I didn't realize how much I miss it there. It seems like so long ago that I left.
Wednesday night, we stayed with Sister Glasgow and Sister Stoehr in Santa Clara. It was a fun night, but I got pretty tired from the drive, so I went to bed pretty quickly. On Thursday we had Zone Conference. We had to be at the church by 8:30, so we had to get up pretty early to make it there. We got there and had to unload all of our stuff out of our car to get it inspected. I was in a pretty bad mood, because I was tired and stressed and feeling very out of place. I don't really know many of the sisters anymore and I'm not that close to the ones I do know, so it's hard sometimes to be around them. Anyway, we started the meeting at 9 am. Elder Kukuchi spoke from 9 until 1 pm! It was VERY long, but good. I cried a lot, I think because the spirit was very strong and I was very tired. We only got about a 35 minute lunch and then we went back in for more meeting. It was supposed to be done at 3 pm, but Elder Kukuchi talked until 4:30. I couldn't focus and my spirit about me was not a good one. I felt like we were being ripped up one side and down the other. I felt like all we were getting told was how much we're disobedient and how awful we are. By the end, I couldn't control my tears; I was miserable.
Sister Abbott and I went to see some recent converts in Springfield with Sister Penhallegon and didn't get to leave the Eugene area until almost 8 pm. We were both very irritated and frustrated. Elder Kukuchi had told us that we needed to follow our morning schedule 100%. We weren't not, we just had tweaked the schedule to fit the two of us. We were still getting everything done, just not in the order that he insisted we do it. For the first (and only) time on my mission, I didn't want to be a missionary. It wasn't just that I wanted to go home, I didn't want to even be active anymore. It was frustrating to me and I couldn't work through any of it, because I was so tired. We got home a little before 10 pm. I went right to bed, because I was feeling horrible. The next morning I did as I said I would do. I got up on time and followed the schedule to the "T". I had one of the best studies I've ever had in my life. I read in Mosiah 2:34 about giving all that we have and ARE to the Lord. This far in my mission I've given all I have, but I haven't given ME. For the last little while, I've been struggling with knowing who I am. I have felt as if I'm forgetting who I am and what makes me, me. I was thinking about in Matthew when it says that if we seek to find ourselves we'll lose us, but if we lose ourselves in service, we'll find us. I then was reading in Mosiah 5:8-9 that when we come unto Christ and give all that we are to him, we take His name upon us. He takes us and He shapes us and molds us into the person that He intends for us to be. I think that's what is happening. I'm not without identity, I just am becoming someone that I didn't expect. As I come closer to the Savior through service, I will recognize the person I am, because I will be able to see myself through His eyes. Does any of that make sense? It does to me, but I'm not very good at putting it into words. It was a very good study though and I was able to come to terms with and gain testimony of Elder Kukuchi's words, which was much needed! I've heard all of these things before (probably from all of you) but it finally hit home. I guess it takes a general authority calling me to repentance to get me to understand! Ha!
Anyway, this week has been good. Our mission has been raised to the next level of consecration! I'm really excited to be here at this time. The Spirit is very strong right now! It was so cool, because after I had that study, we were talking to the Bishop of our ward yesterday and he said that he thinks what this ward needs is to find out WHO THEY ARE! Wow! I hadn't said a word about my study yet. It was awesome to see that we really do go through the things others go through in order to help them. It was AWESOME!!!!
Today, we went to tour the Delphian School! It was so cool! They are a private school and they base everything around each individual's needs. They don't have grades, they have forms. You take each form at your own pace and you don't pass to the next form until you have 100% understanding of the curriculum. It was truly amazing! I wish I could have attended a school like that! I definitely want that kind of education for my kids! It was way cool! And sister Macdonald came, so that was a lot of fun too!
Tomorrow we get to go to the temple!!! Yay!! I haven't been to the temple for about 8 months now and I miss it so much!!! I'll send pictures next week of the Portland Temple!
Well, I better go! Love you all!
Love,
Sister Losee