December 12, 2010

Hi everyone!
We had interviews with President Macdonald on Wednesday. We had a member pick us up with plenty of time to get to the meeting. Well, she decided that she wanted to drive us OUT of our mission and said it was going to be faster, well, it wasn't! We were 20 minutes late for our meeting, our Zone Leaders texted us, President Macdonald called us, and our District Leader called us. By the time we got there, I was irritated with the member, I was car sick, and I was super ornery! President met us at the front doors to the church. He took one look at me and asked if I was happy. I just faked a smile and helped him cut up some fudge from Sister Macdonald.
When we have interviews, we start out by discussing a topic that President has previously told us. This time, the topic was about our favorite Conference talk. It's always so nice to discuss things with President! After we have about an hour of that with him, he takes individuals out to interview and everyone else has a discussion with the Zone Leaders. Our discussion was about how we receive revelation through church attendance. That morning, I had gotten the chance to read in Alma 36 where Alma is telling Helaman about his conversion. In that chapter, Alma says that each one of his recent converts felt the same conversion that he felt. I found that really interesting, because we have that same opportunity. We can help others find their conversion by remembering our conversion. The Spirit can help them feel the same things we've felt. As we discussed revelation through church attendance, it was interesting to remember why I became converted to attending church and applying that to helping those we know who don't realize they can receive revelation through attending church. We have to tap into that memory for ourselves and walk them through the same process. Anyway... I don't know if that makes any sense, but it was a really cool revelation.
It was really interesting to be in Corvallis. I felt closure that I haven't felt since I left there. I got the opportunity to see Leki and Maggie! It was so good to know that they remembered me and that I really got to help make a difference for them. It was cool to be back in the old apartment, but to not feel like the same person I was when I was there earlier this year. I got to attend the Christmas party for the family ward on Saturday night and it was so fun to see people excited to see me back and to see that they remembered me too. I've been struggling for a long time with that area; I haven't felt like it was even part of my mission, because I was there for so little time and I always worried that people didn't even remember me being there. It was a good experience.
Saturday, I went to bed and just cried myself to sleep, because I just could not seem to get happy. I felt so alone and I just didn't want to do it anymore. I got up yesterday and was in a bad mood. I'm getting a cold and just didn't feel well. We got to church and the bishop asked if I was okay. I just told him I was getting sick. During Sacrament, I really was trying to let the Atonement in to take the ornery feelings away, but I couldn't let them go. After Sacrament, Bishop Simpson shook my hand and looked into my eyes and said, "Are you okay?" I hate it when people can read me like that. I just kind of shrugged and he said with tears in his eyes, "I perceive there is something wrong and it's not just that you're sick. Do you need a blessing?" I was of course in tears about then. A woman we are teaching so she can get re-baptized was standing next to him and had tears in her eyes. I told him yes that I needed a blessing. Then I walked outside and just cried. I went back in and this sweet sister who is a returned missionary (and she's a bigger girl like me) came over and just talked mission stories with me. It was such a tender mercy and I don't think she knows what it did for me. I got a blessing, but I still was pretty ornery.
We went tracting after church and every single person was mean to us. We got so many snide remarks and so many doors slammed in our faces. Finally, S. Abbott asked if I wanted to go visit anyone and I blew up. I told her I don't care what we do and then I just started walking up the street really fast. I just needed some space. The whole time just murmuring. I just kept telling myself how much I want to be in Utah, with people I know love me for me, with snow on Christmas, where I'm in my nice house and I'm warm, where I don't have to be walking the streets 24/7! I just had myself a pity party. I got back to the car and S. Abbott came a little while later. We drove to a less-active member's house and her 8 yr. old daughter made us laugh. We then had an appointment with one of the coolest recent converts in this area. His name is Mike. He is so amazing! He got baptized a little over a year ago. He lives on a road out in the middle of nowhere up on the mountain. He had, had a lot of contact with the church, but had never joined. This one day, he decided he wanted to go the the Mormon church, but thought he needed a Book of Mormon to go, so he prayed for God to help him find one. Later that same day his wife came in and said the Mormon missionaries are at the gate. He walked out and said, "I believe you have my Book of Mormon? I want to get baptized." I envy those elders! He is so cool! I can't wait for the day when he goes to the temple! Anyway, his lesson was another tender mercy from Heavenly Father to help me find happiness again. S. Abbott and I had a long talk last night too, and that helped a lot to make me feel not so alone. It was a great growing point! I hope you all have a great week!
Love,
Sister Losee